Monday, November 09, 2009
Born To Appreciate
Sometimes I think I was put on this Earth to simply appreciate the fine work of others. As much as I have enjoyed the work I've accomplished throughout my career (and this morning it feels like a very very very very looooooooong one), it's when I sit at the feet of true art masters that I feel most fully alive...most free from my own harsh ego concerns and most joyously thrown into the release -the warm ocean - that only great art seems able to provide me.
Case in point: Barbara Kingsolver's newest novel: THE LACUNA...when Peter and I went to have our Sunday coffee and NY Times time at Zazzy'Z yesterday morning, I saw THE LACUNA on sale at 20% off on the shelf (after all she is our local celeb, and Zazzy'Z our only small bookstore)...then I happened to read the glowing and analytical reveiw it received in the very same NY Times I had just purchased, and that immediately made me want to own and begin reading the book, so Peter bought said book for me...i plunged directly into it, and have yet to come up for air...it is MAGNIFICENT!
It's the story of young American boy growing up in Mexico with his morally loose Mom (she goes where the monied men are), and how he comes of age into manhood through adventures in the Diego Rivera/Frida Kahlo household, among other historically enthralling situations that present themselves....it is subtly artful, detailed and compelling...for the life of me, I cannot even begin to understand how someone can write such a book...how anyone can write anything so intricate and human...and the title THE LACUNA is a metaphor for so many things in life...a resonant, meaningful title...getting the right title alone is such a miracle to me...and this book is large...it's like diving into the deepest part of oceans to read a book this skillful...because it's an entire world of its own, with totally believable yet fantastical creatures...until you realize that that is how LIFE itself is: filled with the fantastic....WE are that complex...our stories are all that odd and wonderful....but then someone has need (and the gift, let's not forget) to write some of it down and it's like a magic wand is waved and we see it all through clean clear underwater goggles!
A story is a story is a story, after all....but a truly gifted writer ( and humankind is blessed with many) tells it in ways that defy explanation...because their experience shared is mysterious...true experience needs no explanation...it just requires that you enter its world and give over to it...and for me, entering the world of a gifted artist's making, is the most wonderful thing possible....every so often I do stop and say out loud: how did she do that? How did she know that? Where did that come from in her? How did he or she KNOW to write that ? And of course, that's the art part...the Muse, if you will..the true creative thing: it simply comes...because it is supposed to come at that moment to that person who has laid out the WELCOME mat for it....who has created the world for it to enter into.
Barbara Kingsolver has always entertained me and made me think....but with THE LACUNA, she has me in thrall and I am following her anywhere she wishes to take me.....I am enslaved and want to build pyramids to honor her. Get and read THE LACUNA.
I need to go my office, but first: one more chapter!
Case in point: Barbara Kingsolver's newest novel: THE LACUNA...when Peter and I went to have our Sunday coffee and NY Times time at Zazzy'Z yesterday morning, I saw THE LACUNA on sale at 20% off on the shelf (after all she is our local celeb, and Zazzy'Z our only small bookstore)...then I happened to read the glowing and analytical reveiw it received in the very same NY Times I had just purchased, and that immediately made me want to own and begin reading the book, so Peter bought said book for me...i plunged directly into it, and have yet to come up for air...it is MAGNIFICENT!
It's the story of young American boy growing up in Mexico with his morally loose Mom (she goes where the monied men are), and how he comes of age into manhood through adventures in the Diego Rivera/Frida Kahlo household, among other historically enthralling situations that present themselves....it is subtly artful, detailed and compelling...for the life of me, I cannot even begin to understand how someone can write such a book...how anyone can write anything so intricate and human...and the title THE LACUNA is a metaphor for so many things in life...a resonant, meaningful title...getting the right title alone is such a miracle to me...and this book is large...it's like diving into the deepest part of oceans to read a book this skillful...because it's an entire world of its own, with totally believable yet fantastical creatures...until you realize that that is how LIFE itself is: filled with the fantastic....WE are that complex...our stories are all that odd and wonderful....but then someone has need (and the gift, let's not forget) to write some of it down and it's like a magic wand is waved and we see it all through clean clear underwater goggles!
A story is a story is a story, after all....but a truly gifted writer ( and humankind is blessed with many) tells it in ways that defy explanation...because their experience shared is mysterious...true experience needs no explanation...it just requires that you enter its world and give over to it...and for me, entering the world of a gifted artist's making, is the most wonderful thing possible....every so often I do stop and say out loud: how did she do that? How did she know that? Where did that come from in her? How did he or she KNOW to write that ? And of course, that's the art part...the Muse, if you will..the true creative thing: it simply comes...because it is supposed to come at that moment to that person who has laid out the WELCOME mat for it....who has created the world for it to enter into.
Barbara Kingsolver has always entertained me and made me think....but with THE LACUNA, she has me in thrall and I am following her anywhere she wishes to take me.....I am enslaved and want to build pyramids to honor her. Get and read THE LACUNA.
I need to go my office, but first: one more chapter!
Monday, November 02, 2009
A Newly-Dawned Thought
.....reading over yesterday's entry it dawned on me:
A single person can be a "mob"...
A single person can be a "mob"...
Sunday, November 01, 2009
People In Groups
Hello everybody....here I am, back in the writing mode...on a rainy and chilled November 1st morning , snuggling in bed with husband and puppies... no sweeter cuddle can be found. And we gained, with no effort on our part, an extra hour to this day, which makes it even sweeter: it is now officially Fall 2009!!
We have earned this morning at rest because Peter and I just completed a two-day gathering at our Board of Trustees Retreat at the lovely Eastman House in Kingsport, Tennessee, at Bays Mountain, and everyone involved worked really hard! That alone was enough to impress me, but there were so many other things about this gathering that impressed, that I felt moved to write about it a bit...so , here we are.
People in groups can be many things: exciting (think of political rallies), INciting (think of pep rallies), scary (think of mobs), terrifying (think of lynch mobs), inspiring (think of really attentive theater audiences), awake ( a large class led by a brilliant professor) or asleep (same class led by a pedestrian one), happy (large weddings), stupid (think of bad versions of all of the above) and brilliant (a rally for an idea who time has come!),
comforting (a community after a disaster), or hurtful (mobs usually are).
I can honestly say that, except for stupidity, this past weekend's Board Retreat had elements of all of the above possibilities, and it was enthralling! This Board is a truly good gathering of people from all professional walks of life, with the only thing binding them together being an interest in this particular arts institution. So , you'd think that leading them to discussion and useful conclusions (which was wonderfully done by professional named David Mallett) would have been an impossible thing to do. But just the opposite turned out to be true: this group contracted and expanded, agreed and argued, laid down points, then backtracked and replaced points when necessary, kept to the disciplines gently put in place by the facilitator, and ate together, laughed together, met together, talked together in such a way that all voices were heard. All voices contributed.
Much like the brief time I spent being a Broadway Equity Deputy on AEA Council, I came away from this gathering very moved by the possibilities of human beings meeting together with a common goal. It was at times shocking how kind the group was, how concerned about the well being of others...i felt like I had been given a very large and loving gift to ameliorate the effects of certain tensions that entered the room at certain points...we have close-knit Staff, and i felt we were all taken well care of in this room we all shared....it is a loving Board of Trustees. And a damnably smart one as well! Such marvelous minds, from companies and industries all over our region...i loved getting to know so many I did not know before, and it helped restore my faith that people do care abut this particular arts organization...it became a wonderful example of people applying their specific expertise to areas I had always considered "arts" areas...my view was definitely widened , or should I say "views", since so many of my points of view went through deep change throughout this day and a half in a room with all these people.
I am honored to have been a part of it.
And I look forward to knowing these people better.
We have earned this morning at rest because Peter and I just completed a two-day gathering at our Board of Trustees Retreat at the lovely Eastman House in Kingsport, Tennessee, at Bays Mountain, and everyone involved worked really hard! That alone was enough to impress me, but there were so many other things about this gathering that impressed, that I felt moved to write about it a bit...so , here we are.
People in groups can be many things: exciting (think of political rallies), INciting (think of pep rallies), scary (think of mobs), terrifying (think of lynch mobs), inspiring (think of really attentive theater audiences), awake ( a large class led by a brilliant professor) or asleep (same class led by a pedestrian one), happy (large weddings), stupid (think of bad versions of all of the above) and brilliant (a rally for an idea who time has come!),
comforting (a community after a disaster), or hurtful (mobs usually are).
I can honestly say that, except for stupidity, this past weekend's Board Retreat had elements of all of the above possibilities, and it was enthralling! This Board is a truly good gathering of people from all professional walks of life, with the only thing binding them together being an interest in this particular arts institution. So , you'd think that leading them to discussion and useful conclusions (which was wonderfully done by professional named David Mallett) would have been an impossible thing to do. But just the opposite turned out to be true: this group contracted and expanded, agreed and argued, laid down points, then backtracked and replaced points when necessary, kept to the disciplines gently put in place by the facilitator, and ate together, laughed together, met together, talked together in such a way that all voices were heard. All voices contributed.
Much like the brief time I spent being a Broadway Equity Deputy on AEA Council, I came away from this gathering very moved by the possibilities of human beings meeting together with a common goal. It was at times shocking how kind the group was, how concerned about the well being of others...i felt like I had been given a very large and loving gift to ameliorate the effects of certain tensions that entered the room at certain points...we have close-knit Staff, and i felt we were all taken well care of in this room we all shared....it is a loving Board of Trustees. And a damnably smart one as well! Such marvelous minds, from companies and industries all over our region...i loved getting to know so many I did not know before, and it helped restore my faith that people do care abut this particular arts organization...it became a wonderful example of people applying their specific expertise to areas I had always considered "arts" areas...my view was definitely widened , or should I say "views", since so many of my points of view went through deep change throughout this day and a half in a room with all these people.
I am honored to have been a part of it.
And I look forward to knowing these people better.
Labels: Barter Musings
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Grey Skies and Poison Ivy!
....Couldn't sound more dismal, right? Grey skies AND poison ivy? Well, that sort of sums up how this day is beginning....I cut back some treacherous vines two weekends ago, from a lovely berry bush in our front yard, and the vines got back at me: poison ivy, subtle , in odd places around my body, and oh so very itchy! Hate the damned stuff! But I was hurting it, so it found a way to hurt me back! Seems only fair. And this won't kill me (will it?) the way I killed it...so, I don't mind suffering a bit. AND, as it has been for days now, the rain is spitting down on us in a sort of spoiled -brat fashion, not quite letting go, but reminding us it's there for sure. It comes from unforgiving grey skies, and creates a bio-dome of humidity and discomfort. How lovely.
Peter and I are guests this morning on a taping of cable TV show called Kingsport Chamber Zone, hosted by our old pal Bob Feagins, for whom we've done several Kingsport Chamber Diner entertainments. A few minutes on-air to talk about the Barter Fall line-up and a bit about Season 2010.....taping out on the Emory & Henry Campus,in Byars Hall. Shouldn't take up too much of the morning, and we both like Bob so very much, it's a pleasure. Later this week, I've been asked to be a Guest Host on a local morning TV show called Daytime Tri-Cities with its ebullient and funny host....and i look forward to that little adventure. I've never hosted an entire hour-long show before, so it should be fun....an exercise in improvisation! And play!
We're hoping to have a two -day yard sale this coming weekend, and the house is littered with piles of stuff to go into the sale, however, more rain is predicted for Saturday, with all sun for Sunday....we'll see how that goes! I'm praying against odds that the rain will not happen....but if it does, we need to have plenty of clear plastic tarps on hand to put underneath stuff and cover stuff well.....or should I postpone this thing? Or only have it on SUnday, for which sun is supposed to shine? Hmmmm......life! And it's complex problems.
Another wonderful Adult Acting CLass last night, and along with some really particular and specific work on the Chekov scenes we've been studying, there was a luscious birthday cake for Kristen B. , one of our lovely students, and of course we all had to have some! But we did not indulge until after some seriously specific work was done on a couple of scenes...this is a genuinely hard-working class, and even though I threw some tough Chekov stuff at them, they all not only caught it, but have been running with it as well. In another week or so , we'll start on some Shakespeare, studying the verse structure,etc, and before we know it , time for these particular sessions will be done. And I will plan another for the Spring, I think...we'll see.
But before anything other planning, I need to simply say that these people in this class - and the one we did last Spring as well- are wonderful. In so many ways. Fun and funny. Curious and willing to learn and grow. This is so inspiring to me. THEY are so inspiring to me.
If there is one thing that consistently and continually makes me glad to be breathing, it's being in the presence of people who are willing to learn new things....who let down their guard and allow wonder and awe and curiosity to guide them....people who do not defend anything, but who invite change and welcome the "I-don't -know" into their lives, so that true learning is actually possible. This freshness, this peacefulness (because I believe it takes genuine personal peace to allow this) is so lovely to be in the presence of.....i like it. It's what makes humanity not kill itself with rage defensiveness. It allows for others. It requires others' knowledge, and admits true listening. It allows for possibility because ti does not shut down, it opens.
So out of this grey sky and poison ivy day comes to me a realization: good things ,quiet and hard-working , make the sun shine , even so.
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
Breathing Room and Daily Allowance
Fall is crisply nibbling away at the edges of my torpor.
And orange is my new favorite color. ...cannot seem to get enough of it...and am eating fresh oranges in the morning as well, in an effort to infuse my soul with sunshine and vitamin C.
I am going away to the West Coast in late November.
A lengthy series of days away from my normal life here....and i can hardly stand the need to wait for that Pacific Ocean! I am happy to have been granted my vacation request, and also a little scared to be away from this grind and from my darling husband for that long.....we become slaves to our captors, I've read....not that Peter is a captor...he is the love of my life and I adore him....but we have such an intense way of living here, so deeply entrenched in our beloved duties in the name of Art...it feels odd to contemplate the letting go of those duties...the putting those duties 2000 miles away from my clutching grasp...the perspective -restoring act of placing myself , on purpose, so far away from the familiar.....feels sort of odd. But I am glad for it.
There is no real danger in it. Just an imagined one, in my tired and over-worked brain.
i yearn to write. To write well. To produce some art that will help me and others to cleanse and remember the joy that daily trudging dilutes. I want to make a difference with my writing. I want people to read what I write and go "a-HA!! - i know what she means!" those golden moments of recognition....
And i know that the only way I can ever make a difference in the world that way is to let go and create some real time in my life to gather the crop I've been growing for over half a century of living....to become a farmer of my life....a gatherer and a reaper..... to hang queasily on the edge of what I know and trust that what I don't know will not kill me, but make me smarter and sharper and stronger and more useful. Too much of everything dulls perspective and deadens the senses...constant swimming tires the arms....one must float for a while, every so often...and trust that a bit of sinking is not a bad thing.
It's odd that as much as i love words, the only ones I know are in the English language....when there are so many other languages with more words than I can even begin to fathom the richness of...
And orange is my new favorite color. ...cannot seem to get enough of it...and am eating fresh oranges in the morning as well, in an effort to infuse my soul with sunshine and vitamin C.
I am going away to the West Coast in late November.
A lengthy series of days away from my normal life here....and i can hardly stand the need to wait for that Pacific Ocean! I am happy to have been granted my vacation request, and also a little scared to be away from this grind and from my darling husband for that long.....we become slaves to our captors, I've read....not that Peter is a captor...he is the love of my life and I adore him....but we have such an intense way of living here, so deeply entrenched in our beloved duties in the name of Art...it feels odd to contemplate the letting go of those duties...the putting those duties 2000 miles away from my clutching grasp...the perspective -restoring act of placing myself , on purpose, so far away from the familiar.....feels sort of odd. But I am glad for it.
There is no real danger in it. Just an imagined one, in my tired and over-worked brain.
i yearn to write. To write well. To produce some art that will help me and others to cleanse and remember the joy that daily trudging dilutes. I want to make a difference with my writing. I want people to read what I write and go "a-HA!! - i know what she means!" those golden moments of recognition....
And i know that the only way I can ever make a difference in the world that way is to let go and create some real time in my life to gather the crop I've been growing for over half a century of living....to become a farmer of my life....a gatherer and a reaper..... to hang queasily on the edge of what I know and trust that what I don't know will not kill me, but make me smarter and sharper and stronger and more useful. Too much of everything dulls perspective and deadens the senses...constant swimming tires the arms....one must float for a while, every so often...and trust that a bit of sinking is not a bad thing.
It's odd that as much as i love words, the only ones I know are in the English language....when there are so many other languages with more words than I can even begin to fathom the richness of...
Friday, October 02, 2009
AN October Swim
.....well before a morning Staff Meeting....and all seems possible today...OF MICE AND MEN on the road seems to be going well, and the actors certainly seem to be having a good time, on their comfortable bus, playing a different venue each night to audiences that truly seem to love their work.....the play and this production directed by Katy Brown are powerful....and the show reports tell of engaged audiences and standing ovations in each place......even the very largest they play.
The show is going to venues ranging in size fro 500 -4,000 seats! (The Eisenhower in West point, NY), so for Michael Catalan and the crew to put the show in to these various places so that it looks good and plays well is no small feat of skill.....i am so grateful for Catalan on the road....and for Rebecca Reinhardt and Holley Housewright, our Company Manager and Stage Manager, respectively....this is a good group and one that is gaining invaluable experience on our behalf for future tours.
I am very grateful for so many people around me right now...people who have patience with me...understand my overly-dramatic way of experiencing the world and still choose to play with me day after day after day....passion attracts passion, I suppose....and I have in my life people who experience the world with the same gusto and drama that I experience it with, so our sense of the HUGE nature of it all sometimes is understood.....and understanding and patience are all we can count on in each other when things get rough around the edges.
A good actor convinces himself that where he is in that moment of the play is true and real, that it is forever, that moment, and doesn't think or remember how the play ends.....and that's how I experience times in my life as well...i never remember there is always light at the end of any tunnel I feel stuck in....i never remember it all turns out alright....i always believe the worst in each moment of seeming emergency...and forget my strengths and capabilities....that I can swim, no matter how deep this end of the pool is that I have been thrown into...i AM A STRONG SWIMMER!!!!
And (as a dear friend put it recently): whereas it may feel like I am about to be thrown under the bus, all that is really happening is is that I am running along side that bus at a prodigious rate.....and keeping a pretty good pace.
Fall is crisping the air....at last...and leaves will soon turn...and before we know it, these momentary things that are disturbing will be sheer and utter history....i keep forgetting that part too: it ALL comes only to pass.....
I send hugs of warmth in this early chilly morning to all who care....
xxev
Labels: OF MICE AND MEN TOUR 2009
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Such a Necessary Saturday
The non-profit arts "model" in this country works like this: put the passionate,talented, and dedicated to work, and by counting on their particular need to get the job done well at any cost to their lives, their health, their sanity, make it necessary for them to work until the job gets done. More often than not, it's not just one job they must complete, but many jobs at a time. Non-Profit arts in this country count on the passion...require the dedication...because there is certainly never the money necessary to hire enough people to create all that needs creating, not enough money to support all the various projects, theaters, companies,etc. So, in lieu of money, this particular model is fueled by artists' need to do their art ....this particular model could not exist unless countless creative people cared enough to make it work.
My high school English teacher - Miss Connell - said: "Choose for a living that thing that you would pay someone else to let you do!" - and all these many years, I have not only ascribed to that point of view and allowed it guide my life, but I have taught it to countless other young actors as well: in essence "Follow your passions, and you'll be able to endure most anything in that pursuit."
The non-profit model I am writing about thrives on this philosophy. Burn your candle at both ends so nothing is left but an honorable and satisfied pile of ashes....the smell of sulphur...a whiff of fulfilled smoke.
As I get older, however, I seem to want my Saturdays to myself....my Sundays to do nothing in...my life to be my own, not belonging to gods of any sort...not even the gods of Art! I am discovering other shrines worth worshiping at, and they generally are solitary shrines, requiring nothing more than my thought, my breath and my personal need to explore in the quiet.....today - in the midst of a most raucous September - today may be one of these necessary Saturdays ...and I am grateful...so grateful. As its hours melt away, its minutes drip slowly by, I treasure the freedom, and anticipate unique discoveries...it is a grey and rainy September day,and I will make of it a monastery.
My high school English teacher - Miss Connell - said: "Choose for a living that thing that you would pay someone else to let you do!" - and all these many years, I have not only ascribed to that point of view and allowed it guide my life, but I have taught it to countless other young actors as well: in essence "Follow your passions, and you'll be able to endure most anything in that pursuit."
The non-profit model I am writing about thrives on this philosophy. Burn your candle at both ends so nothing is left but an honorable and satisfied pile of ashes....the smell of sulphur...a whiff of fulfilled smoke.
As I get older, however, I seem to want my Saturdays to myself....my Sundays to do nothing in...my life to be my own, not belonging to gods of any sort...not even the gods of Art! I am discovering other shrines worth worshiping at, and they generally are solitary shrines, requiring nothing more than my thought, my breath and my personal need to explore in the quiet.....today - in the midst of a most raucous September - today may be one of these necessary Saturdays ...and I am grateful...so grateful. As its hours melt away, its minutes drip slowly by, I treasure the freedom, and anticipate unique discoveries...it is a grey and rainy September day,and I will make of it a monastery.
